yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
