Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
