It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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