I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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