Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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