I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
