You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
