time to smoke my breakfast
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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