Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
