grandma shit on top of the toilet
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Dicks are not precious.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
