how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
All the doctor said was why
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
