I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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