we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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