Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she smelled like a LAN party
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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