you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
