I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
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Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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