Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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