I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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