The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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