Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
