i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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