People in love make me want to vomit
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
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I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
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Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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