hotel room ftw
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
