just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
