Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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