dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I have feelings that need drinking.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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