i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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