hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
