K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just want to make out with him forever
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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