If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
