no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
