i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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