I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
