you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
