New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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