I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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