it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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