So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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