i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
