I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
