i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
