You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
