I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
