so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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