I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
