i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
