he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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