so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
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His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
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I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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