I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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