Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
