did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
