The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
