how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
