I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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