It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
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I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
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Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
There are leaves in my underwear?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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