I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
