It's Friday. Sex?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
