so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
