I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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