My hand turned me down
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
