just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
