Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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