i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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