i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize