He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize