we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
