I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
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