I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
