You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
