you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
