Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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