Grow some girl-balls and come out already
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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