Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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