so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
