I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
