just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He better not be in your backpack
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
